Tom And Dick[1]

Tim[2] and Dick had equal fame,         And both had equal knowledge;     Tom could write and spell his name,         But Dick had seen the college.     Dick a coxcomb, Tom was mad,         And both alike diverting;     Tom was held the merrier lad,         But Dick the best at farting.     Dick would cock his nose in scorn,         But Tom was kind and loving;     Tom a footboy bred and born,         But Dick was from an oven.[3]     Dick could neatly dance a jig,         But Tom was best at borees;     Tom would pray for every Whig,         And Dick curse all the Tories.     Dick would make a woful noise,         And scold at an election;     Tom huzza'd the blackguard boys,         And held them in subjection.     Tom could move with lordly grace,         Dick nimbly skipt the gutter;     Tom could talk with solemn face,         But Dick could better sputter.     Dick was come to high renown         Since he commenced physician;     Tom was held by all the town         The deeper politician.     Tom had the genteeler swing,         His hat could nicely put on;     Dick knew better how to swing         His cane upon a button.     Dick for repartee was fit,         And Tom for deep discerning;     Dick was thought the brighter wit,         But Tom had better learning.     Dick with zealous noes and ayes         Could roar as loud as Stentor,     In the house 'tis all he says;         But Tom is eloquenter.