To A Gentleman Who Had Sent Him A Newspaper, And Offered To Continue It Free Of Expense.

Kind Sir, I've read your paper through,         And, faith, to me 'twas really new!         How guess'd ye, Sir, what maist I wanted?         This mony a day I've grain'd and gaunted,         To ken what French mischief was brewin';         Or what the drumlie Dutch were doin';         That vile doup-skelper, Emperor Joseph,         If Venus yet had got his nose off;         Or how the collieshangie works         Atween the Russians and the Turks:         Or if the Swede, before he halt,         Would play anither Charles the Twalt:         If Denmark, any body spak o't;         Or Poland, wha had now the tack o't;         How cut-throat Prussian blades were hingin';         How libbet Italy was singin';         If Spaniard, Portuguese, or Swiss         Were sayin' or takin' aught amiss:         Or how our merry lads at hame,         In Britain's court kept up the game:         How royal George, the Lord leuk o'er him!         Was managing St. Stephen's quorum;         If sleekit Chatham Will was livin';         Or glaikit Charlie got his nieve in:         How daddie Burke the plea was cookin',         If Warren Hastings' neck was yeukin;         How cesses, stents, and fees were rax'd,         Or if bare a--s yet were tax'd;         The news o' princes, dukes, and earls,         Pimps, sharpers, bawds, and opera girls;         If that daft buckie, Geordie Wales,         Was threshin' still at hizzies' tails;         Or if he was grown oughtlins douser,         And no a perfect kintra cooser.         A' this and mair I never heard of;         And but for you I might despair'd of.         So, gratefu', back your news I send you,         And pray, a' guid things may attend you!     Ellisland, Monday morning, 1790.