The Sale Of The Tools.

Instrumenta regni.--TACITUS.     Here's a choice set of Tools for you, Ge'mmen and Ladies,     They'll fit you quite handy, whatever your trade is;     (Except it be Cabinet-making;--no doubt,     In that delicate service they're rather worn out;     Tho' their owner, bright youth! if he'd had his own will,     Would have bungled away with them joyously still.)     You see they've been pretty well hackt--and alack!     What tool is there job after job will not hack?     Their edge is but dullish it must be confest,     And their temper, like Ellenborough's, none of the best;     But you'll find them good hardworking Tools, upon trying,     Were't but for their brass they are well worth the buying;     They're famous for making blinds, sliders, and screens,     And are some of them excellent turning machines.         The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a Chancellor),     Heavy concern to both purchaser and seller.     Tho' made of pig iron yet worthy of note 'tis,     'Tis ready to melt at a half minute's notice.[1]     Who bids? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou shapest;     'Twill make a good thumb-screw to torture a Papist;     Or else a cramp-iron to stick in the wall     Of some church that old women are fearful will fall;     Or better, perhaps, (for I'm guessing at random,)     A heavy drag-chain for some Lawyer's old Tandem.     Will nobody bid? It is cheap, I am sure, Sir--     Once, twice,--going, going,--thrice, gone!--it is yours, Sir.     To pay ready money you sha'n't be distrest,     As a bill at long date suits the Chancellor best.         Come, where's the next Tool?--     Oh! 'tis here in a trice--     This implement, Ge'mmen, at first was a Vice;     (A tenacious and close sort of tool that will let     Nothing out of its grasp it once happens to get;)     But it since has received a new coating of Tin,     Bright enough for a Prince to behold himself in.     Come, what shall we say for it? briskly! bid on,     We'll the sooner get rid of it--going--quite gone.     God be with it, such tools, if not quickly knockt down,     Might at last cost their owner--how much? why, a Crown!         The next Tool I'll set up has hardly had handsel or     Trial as yet and is also a Chancellor--     Such dull things as these should be sold by the gross;     Yet, dull as it is, 'twill be found to shave close,     And like other close shavers, some courage to gather,     This blade first began by a flourish on leather.[2]     You shall have it for nothing--then, marvel with me     At the terrible tinkering work there must be,     Where a Tool such as this is (I'll leave you to judge it)     Is placed by ill luck at the top of the Budget!