Pig, The

A COLLOQUIAL POEM     Jacob! I do not like to see thy nose     Turn'd up in scornful curve at yonder pig,     It would be well, my friend, if we like him,     Were perfect in our kind!... And why despise     The sow-born grunter?... He is obstinate,     Thou answerest; ugly, and the filthiest beast     That banquets upon offal.... Now I pray you     Hear the pig's counsel.                             Is he obstinate?     We must not, Jacob, be deceived by words;     We must not take them as unheeding hands     Receive base money at the current worth     But with a just suspicion try their sound,     And in the even balance weight them well     See now to what this obstinacy comes:     A poor, mistreated, democratic beast,     He knows that his unmerciful drivers seek     Their profit, and not his. He hath not learned     That pigs were made for man,... born to be brawn'd     And baconized: that he must please to give     Just what his gracious masters please to take;     Perhaps his tusks, the weapons Nature gave     For self-defense, the general privilege;     Perhaps,... hark, Jacob! dost thou hear that horn?     Woe to the young posterity of Pork!     Their enemy is at hand.                             Again. Thou say'st     The pig is ugly. Jacob, look at him!     Those eyes have taught the lover flattery.     His face,... nay, Jacob! Jacob! were it fair     To judge a lady in her dishabille?     Fancy it dressed, and with saltpeter rouged.     Behold his tail, my friend; with curls like that     The wanton hop marries her stately spouse:     So crisp in beauty Amoretta's hair     Rings round her lover's soul the chains of love.     And what is beauty, but the aptitude     Of parts harmonious? Give thy fancy scope,     And thou wilt find that no imagined change     Can beautify this beast. Place at his end     The starry glories of the peacock's pride,     Give him the swan's white breast; for his horn-hoofs     Shape such a foot and ankle as the waves     Crowded in eager rivalry to kiss     When Venus from the enamor'd sea arose;...     Jacob, thou canst but make a monster of him!     An alteration man could think, would mar     His pig-perfection.                             The last charge,... he lives     A dirty life. Here I could shelter him     With noble and right-reverend precedents.     And show by sanction of authority     That 'tis a very honorable thing     To thrive by dirty ways. But let me rest     On better ground the unanswerable defense.     The pig is a philosopher, who knows     No prejudice. Dirt?... Jacob, what is dirt?     If matter,... why the delicate dish that tempts     An o'ergorged epicure to the last morsel     That stuffs him to the throat-gates, is no more.     If matter be not, but as sages say,     Spirit is all, and all things visible     Are one, the infinitely modified,     Think, Jacob, what that pig is, and the mire     Wherein he stands knee-deep!                             And there! the breeze     Pleads with me, and has won thee to a smile     That speaks conviction. O'er yon blossom'd field     Of beans it came, and thoughts of bacon rise.