Mylo Jones's Wife

"Mylo Jones's wife" was all     I heerd, mighty near, last Fall -     Visitun relations down     T'other side of Morgantown!     Mylo Jones's wife she does     This and that, and "those" and "thus"! -     Can't 'bide babies in her sight -     Ner no childern, day and night,     Whoopin' round the premises -     NER NO NOTHIN' ELSE, I guess!     Mylo Jones's wife she 'lows     She's the boss of her own house! -     Mylo - consequences is -     Stays whare things seem SOME like HIS, -     Uses, mostly, with the stock -     Coaxin' "Old Kate" not to balk,     Ner kick hoss-flies' branes out, ner     Act, I s'pose, so much like HER!     Yit the wimmern-folks tells you     She's PERFECTION. - Yes they do!     Mylo's wife she says she's found     Home hain't home with MEN-FOLKS round     When they's work like HERN to do-     Picklin' pears and BUTCHERN, too,     And a-rendern lard, and then     Cookin' fer a pack of men     To come trackin' up the flore     SHE'S scrubbed TEL she'll scrub no MORE! -     Yit she'd keep things clean ef they     Made her scrub tel Jedgmunt Day!     Mylo Jones's wife she sews     Carpet-rags and patches clothes     Jest year IN and OUT! - and yit     Whare's the livin' use of it?     She asts Mylo that. - And he     Gits back whare he'd ruther be,     With his team; - jest PLOWS - and don't     Never sware - like some folks won't!     Think ef HE'D CUT LOOSE, I gum!     'D he'p his heavenly chances some!     Mylo's wife don't see no use,     Ner no reason ner excuse     Fer his pore relations to     Hang round like they allus do!     Thare 'bout onc't a year - and SHE -     She jest GA'NTS 'em, folks tells me,     On spiced pears! - Pass Mylo one,     He says "No, he don't chuse none!"     Workin'men like Mylo they     'D ort to have MEAT ev'ry day!     Dad-burn Mylo Jones's wife!     Ruther rake a blame caseknife     'Crost my wizzen than to see     Sich a womern rulin' ME! -     Ruther take and turn in and     Raise a fool mule-colt by hand'     MYLO, though - od-rot the man! -     Jest keeps ca'm - like some folks CAN -     And 'lows sich as her, I s'pose,     Is MAN'S HE'PMEET' - Mercy knows!