My Bachelor Chum

A corpulent man is my bachelor chum,         With a neck apoplectic and thick -      An abdomen on him as big as a drum,         And a fist big enough for the stick;      With a walk that for grace is clear out of the case,         And a wobble uncertain - as though      His little bow-legs had forgotten the pace         That in youth used to favor him so.      He is forty, at least; and the top of his head         Is a bald and a glittering thing;      And his nose and his two chubby cheeks are as red         As three rival roses in spring;      His mouth is a grin with the corners tucked in,         And his laugh is so breezy and bright      That it ripples his features and dimples his chin         With a billowy look of delight.      He is fond of declaring he "don't care a straw" -         That "the ills of a bachelor's life      Are blisses, compared with a mother-in-law         And a boarding-school miss for a wife!"      So he smokes and he drinks, and he jokes and he winks,         And he dines and he wines, all alone,      With a thumb ever ready to snap as he thinks         Of the comforts he never has known.      But up in his den - (Ah, my bachelor chum!) -         I have sat with him there in the gloom,      When the laugh of his lips died away to become         But a phantom of mirth in the room.      And to look on him there you would love him, for all         His ridiculous ways, and be dumb      As the little girl-face that smiles down from the wall         On the tears of my bachelor chum.