Maymie's Story Of Red Riding Hood

W'y, one time wuz a little-weenty dirl,     An' she wuz named Red Riding Hood, 'cause her -     Her Ma she maked a little red cloak fer her     'At turnt up over her head - An' it 'uz all     Ist one piece o' red cardinal 'at 's like     The drate-long stockin's the store-keepers has. -     O! it 'uz purtiest cloak in all the world     An' all this town er anywheres they is!     An' so, one day, her Ma she put it on     Red Riding Hood, she did - one day, she did -     An' it 'uz Sund'y - 'cause the little cloak     It 'uz too nice to wear ist ever' day     An' all the time! - An' so her Ma, she put     It on Red Riding Hood - an' telled her not     To dit no dirt on it ner dit it mussed     Ner nothin'! An' - an' - nen her Ma she dot     Her little basket out, 'at Old Kriss bringed     Her wunst - one time, he did. And nen she fill'     It full o' whole lots an' 'bundance o' good things t' eat     (Allus my Dran'ma she says ''bundance,' too.)     An' so her Ma fill' little Red Riding Hood's     Nice basket all ist full o' dood things t' eat,     An' tell her take 'em to her old Dran'ma -     An' not to spill 'em, neever - 'cause ef she     'Ud stump her toe an' spill 'em, her Dran'ma     She'll haf to punish her!         An' nen - An' so     Little Red Riding Hood she p'omised she     'Ud be all careful nen an' cross' her heart     'At she wont run an' spill 'em all fer six -     Five - ten - two-hundred-bushel-dollars-gold!     An' nen she kiss her Ma doo'-bye an' went     A-skippin' off - away fur off frough the     Big woods, where her Dran'ma she live at. - No! -     She didn't do a-skippin', like I said: -     She ist went walkin' - careful-like an' slow -     Ist like a little lady - walkin' 'long     As all polite an' nice - an' slow - an' straight -     An' turn her toes - ist like she's marchin' in     The Sund'y-School k-session!         An' - an' - so     She 'uz a-doin' along - an' doin' along -     On frough the drate big woods - 'cause her Dran'ma     She live 'way, 'way fur off frough the big woods     From her Ma's house. So when Red Riding Hood     She dit to do there, allus have most fun -     When she do frough the drate big woods, you know. -     'Cause she ain't feared a bit o' anything!     An' so she sees the little hoppty-birds     'At's in the trees, an' flyin' all around,     An' singin' dlad as ef their parunts said     They'll take 'em to the magic-lantern show!     An' she 'ud pull the purty flowers an' things     A-growin' round the stumps - An' she 'ud ketch     The purty butterflies, an' drasshoppers,     An' stick pins frough 'em - No! - I ist said that! -     'Cause she's too dood an' kind an' 'bedient     To hurt things thataway. - She'd ketch 'em, though,     An' ist play wiv 'em ist a little while,     An' nen she'd let 'em fly away, she would,     An' ist skip on adin to her Dran'ma's.     An' so, while she uz doin' 'long an' 'long,     First thing you know they 'uz a drate big old     Mean wicked Wolf jumped out 'at wanted t' eat     Her up, but dassent to - 'cause wite clos't there     They wuz a Man a-choppin' wood, an' you     Could hear him. - So the old Wolf he 'uz 'feared     Only to ist be kind to her. - So he     Ist 'tended like he wuz dood friends to her     An' says "Dood-morning, little Red Riding Hood!" -     All ist as kind!         An' nen Riding Hood     She say "Dood-morning," too - all kind an' nice -     Ist like her Ma she learn' - No! - mustn't say     "Learn," cause "Learn" it's unproper. - So she say     It like her Ma she "teached" her. - An' - so she     Ist says "Dood-morning" to the Wolf - 'cause she     Don't know ut-tall 'at he's a wicked Wolf     An' want to eat her up!         Nen old Wolf smile     An' say, so kind: "Where air you doin' at?"     Nen little Red Riding Hood she says: "I'm doin'     To my Dran'ma's, 'cause my Ma say I might."     Nen, when she tell him that, the old Wolf he     Ist turn an' light out frough the big thick woods,     Where she can't see him any more. An so     She think he's went to his house - but he haint, -     He's went to her Dran'ma's, to be there first -     An' ketch her, ef she don't watch mighty sharp     What she's about!         An' nen when the old Wolf     Dit to her Dran'ma's house, he's purty smart, -     An' so he 'tend-like he's Red Riding Hood,     An' knock at th' door. An' Riding Hood's Dran'ma     She's sick in bed an' can't come to the door     An' open it. So th' old Wolf knock two times.     An' nen Red Riding Hood's Dran'ma she says     "Who's there?" she says. An' old Wolf 'tends-like he's     Little Red Riding Hood, you know, an' make'     His voice soun' ist like hers, an' says: "It's me,     Dran'ma - an' I'm Red Riding Hood an' I'm     Ist come to see you."         Nen her old Dran'ma     She think it is little Red Riding Hood,     An' so she say: "Well, come in nen an' make     You'se'f at home," she says, "'cause I'm down sick     In bed, and got the 'ralgia, so's I can't     Dit up an' let ye in."         An' so th' old Wolf     Ist march' in nen an' shet the door adin,     An' drowl, he did, an' splunge up on the bed     An' et up old Miz Riding Hood 'fore she     Could put her specs on an' see who it wuz. -     An' so she never knowed who et her up!     An' nen the wicked Wolf he ist put on     Her nightcap, an' all covered up in bed -     Like he wuz her, you know.         Nen, purty soon     Here come along little Red Riding Hood,     An' she knock' at the door. An' old Wolf 'tend     Like he's her Dran'ma; an' he say, "Who's there?"     Ist like her Dran'ma say, you know. An' so     Little Red Riding Hood she say "It's me,     Dran'ma - an' I'm Red Riding Hood and I'm     Ist come to see you."         An' nen old Wolf nen     He cough an' say: "Well, come in nen an' make     You'se'f at home," he says, "'cause I'm down sick     In bed, an' got the 'ralgia, so's I can't     Dit up an' let ye in."         An' so she think     It's her Dran'ma a-talkin'. - So she ist     Open' the door an' come in, an' set down     Her basket, an' taked off her things, an' bringed     A chair an' clumbed up on the bed, wite by     The old big Wolf she thinks is her Dran'ma. -     Only she thinks the old Wolf's dot whole lots     More bigger ears, an' lots more whiskers, too,     Than her Dran'ma; an' so Red Riding Hood     She's kindo' skeered a little. So she says     "Oh, Dran'ma, what big eyes you dot!" An' nen     The old Wolf says: "They're ist big thataway     'Cause I'm so dlad to see you!"         Nen she says, -     "Oh, Dran'ma, what a drate big nose you dot!"     Nen th' old Wolf says: "It's ist big thataway     Ist 'cause I smell the dood things 'at you bringed     Me in the basket!"         An' nen Riding Hood     She say "Oh-me-oh-my! Dran'ma! what big     White long sharp teeth you dot!"         Nen old Wolf says:     "Yes - an' they're thataway," he says - an' drowled -     "They're thataway," he says, "to eat you wiv!"     An' nen he ist jump' at her. -         But she scream' -     An' scream', she did - So's 'at the Man     'At wuz a-choppin' wood, you know, - he hear,     An' come a-runnin' in there wiv his ax;     An', 'fore the old Wolf know' what he's about,     He split his old brains out an' killed him s'quick     It make' his head swim! - An' Red Riding Hood     She wuzn't hurt at all!         An' the big Man     He tooked her all safe home, he did, an' tell     Her Ma she's all right an' ain't hurt at all     An' old Wolf's dead an' killed - an' ever'thing! -     So her Ma wuz so tickled an' so proud,     She divved him all the dood things t' eat they wuz     'At's in the basket, an' she tell him 'at     She's much oblige', an' say to "call adin."     An' story's honest truth - an' all so, too!