Johnson's Boy

The world is turned ag'in' me,         And people says, "They guess     That nothin' else is in me         But pure maliciousness!"     I git the blame for doin'         What other chaps destroy,     And I'm a-goin' to ruin         Because I'm "Johnson's boy."     THAT ain't my name - I'd ruther         They'd call me IKE or PAT -     But they've forgot the other -         And so have I, for that!     I reckon it's as handy,         When Nibsy breaks his toy,     Or some one steals his candy,         To say 'twas "JOHNSON'S BOY!"     You can't git any water         At the pump, and find the spout     So durn chuck-full o' mortar         That you have to bore it out;     You tackle any scholar         In Wisdom's wise employ,     And I'll bet you half a dollar         He'll say it's "Johnson's boy!"     Folks don't know how I suffer         In my uncomplainin' way -     They think I'm gittin' tougher         And tougher every day.     Last Sunday night, when Flinder         Was a-shoutin' out for joy,     And some one shook the winder,         He prayed for "Johnson's boy."     I'm tired of bein' follered         By farmers every day,     And then o' bein' collared         For coaxin' hounds away;     Hounds always plays me double -         It's a trick they all enjoy -     To git me into trouble,         Because I'm "Johnson's boy."     But if I git to Heaven,         I hope the Lord'll see     SOME boy has been perfect,         And lay it on to me;     I'll swell the song sonorous,         And clap my wings for joy,     And sail off on the chorus -         "Hurrah for 'Johnson's boy!'"