A Letter To Dr. Helsham

SIR,         Pray discruciate what follows.     The dullest beast, and gentleman's liquor,     When young is often due to the vicar,[1]     The dullest of beasts, and swine's delight,     Make up a bird very swift of flight.[2]     The dullest beast, when high in stature,     And another of royal nature,     For breeding is a useful creature.[3]     The dullest beast, and a party distress'd,     When too long, is bad at best.[4]     The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears,     Is good for partridge, not for hares.[5]     The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat,     Will make a horse go, though he be not fat.[6]     The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air,     Is that by which all Irishmen swear.[7]     The dullest beast, and famed college for Teagues,     Is a person very unfit for intrigues.[8]     The dullest beast, and a cobbler's tool,     With a boy that is only fit for school,     In summer is very pleasant and cool.[9]     The dullest beast, and that which you kiss,     May break a limb of master or miss.[10]     Of serpent kind, and what at distance kills,     Poor mistress Dingley oft hath felt its bills.[11]     The dullest beast, and eggs unsound,     Without it I rather would walk on the ground.[12]     The dullest beast, and what covers a house,     Without it a writer is not worth a louse.[13]     The dullest beast, and scandalous vermin,     Of roast or boil'd, to the hungry is charming.[14]     The dullest beast, and what's cover'd with crust,     There's nobody but a fool that would trust.[15]     The dullest beast, and mending highways,     Is to a horse an evil disease.[16]     The dullest beast, and a hole in the ground,     Will dress a dinner worth five pound.[17]     The dullest beast, and what doctors pretend,     The cook-maid often has by the end.[18]     The dullest beast, and fish for lent,     May give you a blow you'll for ever repent.[19]     The dullest beast, and a shameful jeer,     Without it a lady should never appear.[20]      Wednesday Night.     I writ all these before I went to bed. Pray explain them for me, because     I cannot do it.